How different could it be right? Just one more baby? I already know how to take care of one with my extensive 17 month experience. 😛
Well, the last 17 months with Malia has been a beautiful, wonderful learning experience. Sleep deprivation? Who cares! I’ve got a little one. Spit up, poo, total attention grabber. Yeah! I love it! I love motherhood.
So with Maxim, it’s the same right?
I won’t take away from the greatness that comes with Maxim. His name actually does mean The Great One. But when my one year old is all too aware of what’s going on around her; is getting in tune with her own feelings and emotions; is demanding (and vocal) about what she wants and has such a keen desire to explore and learn the world around her….well sleep deprivation and the demands of a newborn holds a bit of a different connotation this time around. I find myself constantly walking a fine balance of keeping up with both kids needs…as well as battling my waves of jealousy as Malia turns more and more to her daddy because of my need to have a baby attached to my boob.
I miss my afternoons that were once dedicated to her ABCs and playing with her toys. And I find myself craving the 20 or so minutes I get to snuggle with her before Maxim wakes up for his nightly feeding…and I crawl into the twin bed in the nursery so I can be readily available to him. I adore the simplicity of a newborn and watching him grow and change before me. At the same time, I’m praying that I’m not missing out on Malia’s own rapid changes.
But my days are really filled with a lot of beautiful moments now. Malia has a gentleness and curiosity that makes her relationship with her brother so great to watch. I look forward to hearing her run into Maxim’s room to check on her brother through the crib rails and to crawl into bed with me as she greets me with a morning kiss. And then we both watch Maxim wake up with his old soul eyes. In these moments, it leaves me in awe how blessed I am.
Life has been both heart breaking and breath taking from one minute to the next. I often wonder these days if post partum depression shows up more for the second baby. There’s so much going on that it’s hard to just get grounded and regain your footing. I just pray every day that I’m doing things right. I hug the babies to let them know that despite any shortcomings, I’ve got nothing but love for them.
So if it’s quiet around here – it’s because I’ve been focusing on the every day moments at home as they change and evolve….and I’ve probably fallen asleep at my computer. 🙂