Room for More?

I hesitate to write this post in fear of having my kids read it one day and feel like they’re unloved. 
Let me say now, clearly and concisely, that there’s no need to fear.  I LOVE my kid(s), the ones here and the ones in the future.

Because yes, I want more kids.

So with that being said, Mike and I have decided it’s time to start trying for baby #2.  WOO HOO!  I’m hoping it doesn’t take the 2.5 years that it took to finally have Malia.  But at the same time, I’m so…scared?  Worried?  Anxious?  I’m not really sure about what word I’m looking for here.

Maybe simply, just not ready?

I feel like I have so much love to still give to Malia…for her to know that she has my love 100%, unconditionally. 

I never knew how much I could love this little person of mine…and she’s still got so much growing and nurturing to go.  How could I possibly share my affections with another?  It kind of freaks me out.  Now I kind of understand why I’m my mom’s favorite.  Duh, I was first!  (I kid, of course, my mom is very giving and loving to both of her daughters.  I think my sister is her favorite anyway…she’s the baby) 

I don’t want to favor one child over another.
I don’t want Malia to feel like I’ve been taken away from her.
I’m afraid of neglecting one over the other.

Before she came along, I never understood how much you could love one person.  And today, I feel like I’m already loving my family at over capacity.  How could I possibly love more?

Maybe that’ll be the next big lesson for me when Baby #2 comes around.
And when that happens, this post will be null and void.  I’ll probably learn, just like I did with Malia, that a mother’s heart has no limits…and I’ll love all of my kids completely.