Turning 40 never bothered me much.
Okay – well maybe the increasing number of grays in my hair bother me A LITTLE. But overall, not really.
Mostly it’s because I look back at what I was doing in my 20s – even part of my 30s – and the person I was. It was a time where I spent more time trying to impress but seemed to always fail. I was not confident in who I was or what I wanted to be. I pushed myself too hard for the wrong reasons. Or I pushed too hard for things I shouldn’t have.
Experience is a great teacher so I don’t regret any part of my journey. They help me appreciate the woman I am today. Today, at 42, I don’t have a size 4 figure. And that’s okay. You know why? In my 20’s I HATED my size 4 figure. I thought I was fat. I had no confidence in who I was back then even with a “younger” body. Do you know what I have at 42? I have a body that bears the scars of 2 children. It’s a body that is strong, inside & out from making smarter & more conscious choices. I rock a swim suit because I know I’m not defined by the tone of my abs or the thickness of my thighs. My kids are enjoying the laughs in the pool with a mom that plays with them. I don’t wait until I’m picture perfect to get in the photo. I cherish the moment I’m living in.
Maybe that’s why I don’t fight the number of gray hairs on my head anymore. I’ve learned that the color of my hair does not define the youth in my soul. I’ll rock my gray, sweaty head while running obstacle races or throwing down in the gym. And I’ll rock the curls the same way I always have. And if what you see is an “old woman” that’s okay too. You know why? I’ve learned to care less about what other people think. I have a husband who loves & supports me; 2 amazing kids who reflect all the good, bad and crazy imperfections that we passed onto them. I keep on keeping on because the only opinion I care about is mine and theirs.
That’s what I love about my 40s. I don’t see the same 40s that my mom or grandmother was, or perhaps I was too much of an arrogant youth to see their beauty beyond the silver hair, constant work and “boring” lifestyle ? Hmmmm…..probably. Just another thing I love about being older, I’m looking at things with more curiosity than judgement, more patience and compassion. I am so much more content with who I am today than I was 10 or 20 years ago.
I love it. Here’s to 42! Happy Birthday to Me!