I spent a lot of time this year trying to find a place to fit in. I had this vision in my head that my social life had to look a certain way because my life had evolved. You know, I was a mom with a busy kids schedule. I was a realtor who needed to connect with the best in the industry…etc etc.
All of that is true, of course, but I found myself working hard for things I didn’t really want. I attended more events that weren’t my thing or took me away from my family. I found myself craving to be part of things that didn’t jive with who I was. In the end, I found myself a little lonelier this year than I have in the past. I also deviated from the things I already knew about myself.
I’m a loner. I’ve always known this. Even in high school, I avoided the cliques. I happily spent time in the photography darkroom than socialized out in the quad. I came to life in the smaller settings over the large groups. The same applies to my life now. Yet, I still found myself wanting in with groups for reasons I didn’t understand at the time. I feel like I spent way too much time trying to be a part of something different only to find no fulfillment in it. Looking back, it was in my solo moments where I was the most content. My growth came when I pushed myself without the need to be with other people.
I am already happy with the life I have. I took on a lot of new things this year. A new real estate position. A new role at work. New activities, lots of new challenges. Looking back on the year, I’m happy to say that I learned a great deal – good & bad. The biggest lesson I took away was, my life is enough. While I still have goals to achieve & many things to learn, I’m incredibly happy with the life that I have.
Sometimes you have to go back to know where you want to go. I’ve always lived by “The easiest way to be happy is to stop doing things that make you unhappy”. Naturally, as the end of the year approaches, I take stock of what the year has brought. I started making changes. I went back to the person I knew I was – Smart, confident, self-starter, self-motivated and content. Then I re-connected with the people who’ve always been there. It turns out I didn’t need new people. I already had my people.
As this decade comes to a close, I’m unburdened, clear sighted and motivated for another new chapter. I feel like I can go into it knowing that I am enough. The life I built is enough. The person I am is enough. And while the word “enough” can be limiting, it also comes with a degree of acceptance. That’s what went wrong for me this year. I stopped accepting myself. I started apologizing for the person I am when there was nothing wrong with it in the first place.
I’m not back to square one but I am back to where I was strongest. Sometimes that’s all the lesson you need so you can move forward again. Besides, what’s not love about this amazing life I get to live?